Savor the Success - Business Network for women entrepreneurs

Just before my vacation two weeks ago, I sent my agent a whiney email. It was filled with "I can'ts" and "this is too hards." I complained of feeling overwhelmed. I didn't think I had the mental energy needed to keep up a blogging career at the same time I was maintaining a freelance writing career. I said that my blog would never gain a big following, and that I would never ever become a "somebody." I was tired. My head hurt. I couldn't think straight. I thought I would soon run out of blog ideas. I didn't think I had it in me to keep going.


After I pressed send, I wondered: Why am I trying so hard? Why can't I just be content with the very successful career I already have? Why do I want more? Can't I just be satisfied with my life as it is? And why am I so whiney?!


Those questions were rhetorical. I knew the answers. I knew why I was trying so hard. I knew then-as I know now-that I'm struggling to fulfill my essential purpose. I have no option. If I give up on this dream, I give up on myself and on my own personal happiness. There is a reason, a really good one.


What I didn't know was this: I needed my upcoming vacation as much as I needed food, warmth, clothing, and love. I was burnt out. Worse, I had an undiagnosed urinary tract infection. I'd had symptoms-pressure in my abdomen, an urgency to urinate accompanied by the inability to actually do it, extreme fatigue-for weeks. I'd just dismissed them. I assumed I was just run down and suffering from the effects of too much caffeine.


Then, the Sunday we were to leave on vacation, I spiked a fever, could barely stand up from dizziness, and had the telltale burning that cannot be mistaken for anything other than what it is. While my husband packed our bags, I sat in the waiting room at an emergi-center.


During my vacation, I took antibiotics, slept until 9 a.m. most days and took naps. I enjoyed the warmth of the sun. I completely turned off my brain. I didn't check Google Analytics once.


And, because I knew I was in dire need of help, I read two self-help books: The Power of Less by Leo Babuta (more on this in an upcoming blog) and Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck.


I'd initially picked up Martha's book at the urging of my friend Mary, who says my writing is a cross between Martha Beck and David Sedaris. I wasn't, for whatever reason, expecting to get much out of the book. I already knew the whereabouts of my North Star, and I was already navigating myself in that general direction. I didn't need Martha's help to get there.


Or so I thought.


I won't go into every single insight I gained from Martha, except to say that her book is a must-read for anyone attempting any big life change. Toward the end of the book, Martha talks about four stages of life transformation. It was stage three, what she calls "the Hero's Saga" that struck me. In this stage, she says, you've defined your dream and you've charted your course toward it. Now you are doing the hard work needed to make your dream a reality. In her words:


"There are a trillion and one ways for things to go awry as you make your way through your own heroic saga, and you'll feel as though you are experiencing all of them. This doesn't mean that your dreams are misguided, or that they won't come true. It just means that you'll have to modify the scheme... possibly several times. That's the nature of the hero's saga, and knowing what to expect makes it slightly more bearable."


Her words were a balm. I read them and I thought, "Wait, this is supposed to be this hard? This doesn't come easily for anyone? This is normal?"


In that moment, I remembered the stories of people who first failed many times before they succeeded. There was the story of Dr. Seuss. His first book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected by 27 different editors before Vanguard Press bought it. Walt Disney's first animation company went bankrupt. When he tried to get MGM to distribute Mickey Mouse in 1927, they told him the idea would never work. Pinocchio lost a million dollars when it was first released.


Even Thomas Edison had a hard go of it. He designed 2000 light bulbs that didn't light up before he created the one that did.


I also thought about Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell's latest book. In it Gladwell says that highly successful people such as Bill Gates are no different than the rest of us. They succeed because they try hard-because they put in 10,000 hours of practice. Their practice might be shooting hoops if they are a basketball player or writing code if they are a programmer, but the end result in the same, he says. If you want to be successful at something, you just need to keep trying and trying and trying. Eventually practice really does make perfect.


I also thought back in time to just a year ago, when I was attending a technology lecture at a journalism conference. The instructor was telling us that we needed to get ourselves on Facebook. He said that Internet Explorer was so last century, that Flock and Firefox were where good Internet browsing were at. He talked about Flip cams and web cams. He mentioned something about this thing called StumbleUpon. I wrote, "What are Google Docs?" in my notes. I'd also written, "Figure out Google Alert."


I remember leaving the lecture feeling so last millennium, and so unable to make myself current. I'd recently set up at profile on Linked In. Now I had to learn this thing called Facebook, too? I'd heard of You Tube, but I'd never actually been to the site. This man wanted me to learn how to record and edit my own videos?


A year later, I'm not only on Facebook, but I'm also on Twitter. I don't just use Firefox, but I have the Google Toolbar, StumbleUpon Toolbar, and many other toolbars installed on it. I know how to create and share Google Docs. I have Google Alerts set up for my name and many other topics. I've taught myself how to use a Mac (I switched from PC to Mac last summer) and how to use Wordpress. I understand and use RSS feeds. I'm adept at StumbleUpon, Digg, Reddit, and more.  I can download stock photos and resize them. I own a Flip. I can use my webcam and create videos with iMovie.


At this year's conference, I'm on a social media panel-as an expert. I'm no longer Ms. Last Millennium. I'm Ms. Futurama.


I'm quite proud of myself. More important, if a former technologically-challenged person like me can turn into a social media expert in just one year, there's nothing I can't do. Nothing I tell you.


I don't care how rocky my path ahead might be. I don't care how many more hours I might have to put in before I reach the golden 10,000. At this point in my journey, I'm far enough down the path that I can look back and see just how many mountains I've already climbed. That makes it easier to look forward and take in how much farther I have to go. I can see my North Star shining brightly. I know I will get there, too, as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Alisa Bowman writes about the ups and downs of marriage and life in general at projecthappilyeverafter.com. She says that positive feedback from readers like you tends to keep her out of the dark and whiney place. She's quite sure her agent would be thankful if you did your part to prevent this nasty syndrome. Let this girl know she's loved. Make her feel good. Visit her site and leave a comment.