Savor the Success

I'm beyond the question of balance (i.e. "is work-life balance possible?").

I'm ready for blending viable businesses with participating in my child's life. This year I had the audacity to decide to stay at home as my baby's primary caretaker while exploring new personal- and business directions. It's one of those things where I had no idea what I was getting into until I was in the thick of things.

More importantly, I'm not talking about "having it all" or perpetuating a superwoman myth. Rather, I believe in the cliche that "Change is the Only Constant". If change is most certain, then I have a responsibility to create a business model that can adapt and change when my life does.

I created this cafe discussion group because I believe that as we go through life transitions, our businesses must have the agility to transition with us. Otherwise, how can we justify the risk we take as entrepreneurs, if we end up locking ourselves into a new box? We may do better working for someone else, at least we get vacation days and sick days.

(I realize if you are a corporate professional, it's a different discussion and equally critical to address. Please feel free to create this as a new topic.)

Jane Chin

I love what you say here Jane.

I was just having a discussion with some other business women about how they work on Fridays (do they work a full day or not...). Most of them said that they usually work a half-day. We all agreed that it is this flexibility that we love about being entrepreneurs.

It took me a while to get out of the 9 to 5 mind-set when I first started my business. But what I've sunk into is, some weeks I end up working 50 hours, and other weeks, it might only be 20 depending on the ebb and flow of my business.

I get to be flexible. I get to put my time in where I want, when I want. And I agree, if I loose that flexibility - then I'm just locked into another box.

When I'm introducing a new product, or a new class, or if I'm traveling to speak, I weigh those decisions carefully - how will they ultimately effect my flexibility and the growth of my business?

We can have it all - we just can't have it all right now.

Thank you, Jenn! You're right - for some of us who are making a transition from "office" to "home office" it may take a while for us to get used to a new way to use Time.

One of the benefits I've found with field-based employment (I was one for many years) is that I became used to the remote-based communication and home office environment, and transitioning to entrepreneurship is more a mindset and skill set than habits around time.

YES! I love what you said about "can't have it all right now!" I used that line in one of my microbusinessmentor.com articles about women wanting everything:

Women entrepreneurs: do you really want EVERYTHING?

link: http://microbusinessmentor.com/?p=34 />(you may need to copy and paste this as I am having trouble getting the link to work both through the online editor and directly via HTML coding)

Yay for not trying to have it all!  What a impossible task we've been sold on that one.

My buisness partner and I are on a quest to support the shift from trying to balance everything to living our most thriving lives -- which looks different for each woman.  Ah. 

Here is our book site.

We've also just started Thriving Mothers Talk Radio and Podcast -- Here

It's such an exciting conversation.  Love it!

Mary McHenry

I absolutely believe that there is no "one size fits all" and balance is a skill that we need to practice, just like juggling in the circus or tumbling on the balance beam.  We sometimes forgot that it takes work to balance and that's half the battle.  I have learned to do more of the things that I love and less of the things I hate with saying more "no" rather than always saying "yes". My kids are actively involved in our family business and feel empowered in the decision process.  For me the lines are blurred between work and play, so no one, including myself can tell if I am working or playing because my work has become my play!   

Stacey Kannenberg, Cedar Valley Publishing, Mom Central Consulting & Mother Talk

Jane, I agree that our businesses need to transition with us.  Just as each day as an entrepreneur is never the same, our jobs as parents are never the same.  Right now, I have two babies, although only one is human.  My business is in its infancy - it is requiring a lot of my time as I am spending a lot of time marketing my business, starting groups, and doing speaking engagements.  But I know that it won't always be that way.  One thing I have done very different with this business is choose a field where working from home is a reality; but still there are times when I need some help with childcare.  I can't go to networking events with a two year old, and it's really embarrassing when I am on the telephone with a coaching client and the client hears "Mama, I poo poo!" 

I can't help it - I want it all - and I know I can't have it all right now, but that doesn't keep me from wanting it.  I have set some very aggressive goals for myself - it keeps me focused and helps me manage my time.  Unlike other jobs that I've had, I don't need to get everything done between the hours of 8 and 5.  I wake up extra early quite often to do things that require concentration, and sometimes work till after midnight.  I am glad to do it, because I know what the rewards will be.  One thing that I don't do anymore, like I did with my last business before I had children, is work myself to death.  There just isn't enough of me to go around!

Holly Amarandei, Clever Solutions Coaching

I agree with you Holly..."just as every day as an entrepreneur is never the same, our jobs as parents are never the same."

I have 3 children under the age of five and with publisher deadlines, speaking engagments and maintaing some sense of "me" time:  One could ask themself..."why do I try to do it all?"

But, the matter of the fact is - I want to do this.  I want to be a hands-on-parent and work from my home.  I want to write and speak about topics that matter to me and ultimately to my children.  There are days when that "guilt-as-a-mother" seeps in and those are the days I have to remind myself; There is a seed planted deep in my soul that needs a full life.  I simply could not be an at home mom without some goals and personal victories for myself.  I want to teach my children that you can have it all; you just have to be willing to re-define what "having-it-all" means for you.

Every day is not the same.  My method of balance is a few day a week, solely dedicated to my work.  Those are the days I allow the children a little more freedom in their activities and hope my husband will be home early from his work.  I get in the "working" mode and I do the best I can with the hours given.  Then...the remaining days of the week - I stay away from my work and spend QUALITY time with the children.  We go to the park, we go swimming, we do crafts and bake cookies.  As hard as it is to keep my mind off work during those days; I want my children to feel that my attention is completely dedicated to them and that there is no where else I'd rather be during those moments, than with them.

It's not an exact method and it doesn't always work - the work end often finds a way to seep into the "family" days; and the children most certainly require much attention on the "work" days as well. 

I have to remind myself to make choices that work for me and my family.  It can't be all work and it can't be all fun.  I don't know how each day will unfold...some days I'm exhausted; and some days I go to bed thinking, "this was a good day.  Everyone's happy and everyone's needs got met."

...wish there more of those days!

Nicole Boles, Director myideaforchange.com

Holly, you hit the nail on the head.  Ii is so hard to be an entrepreneur and a parent.  My husband and I are both entrepreneurs so that makes it equally hard to find a balance between the two.  I have found that having a good support group  helps  to keep me from  going over the deep end.  Sometimes it is hard to fight the impulse to check emails or voicemails when it is family time or to tend to the children's needs when it is work time.  I think each person has to find what works for them and go from there.  For me, some days go better than others and then there are those days that I feel I haven't done anything productive as far as business, but I feel that I've been a productive parent.

Kandice Brooks, Signature Soirees Event Consultants

Nicole (and others - welcome to the Blending Biz with Parenthood cafe!),

I'm looking forward to the day when my baby is old enough to entertain himself a bit while I get work done!

Right now I find myself having to cut back my biz activities or at least the way I used to do biz, because with a baby this age (9 months), the "routine" seems to change depending on his development. He can go from 3 naps a day to deciding he no longer needed to sleep at all during the day! I used to try booking telephone calls during the nap times, that worked when baby was younger. Now I don't try anymore. I know that I'd be setting myself up for frustration.

However, I don't regret making my decision to focus primarily on my baby in his first year of life (and maybe longer, depending on my biz strategy moving forward).

Here's what I like to remind entrepreneurs - we're taking huge risks being entrepreneurs BECAUSE it is meant to give us options. So I'm exercising my option and saying "I'm spending 2008 to be more stay at home mom than business owner". It wasn't easy because business is a huge part of my identity. I know I won't regret my decision even when at times, I feel like I'm going nuts trying to adapt and manage day to day on perpetual sleep deprivation :D

Jane

Hello to all!

I am encouraged by all of the posts that I have read. My son Nikkolys is going to be turning 1 soon. I so desperately want to have an active role in my son’s life. Yet at the same time have blossoming ideas for opening a small business. At times I feel discouraged because I have all these plans that I want to put into action all the while wanting to spend time with my son. I feel that by me trying to make a better life for him I am in some way taking away from him. I know that might sound weird but my days are extremely busy. I am going to school to get my Bachlor’s in Business. Between school, a part time job and trying to find a way to get a my ideas moving in some sort of direction it seems that my son is the one that suffers. There are many days when I leave before he wakes up and come home when it is close to the time when he is getting ready for bed.

I know there has to be a way to balance everything out. I really would love to pursue my business plans but I don’t want my son to suffer or miss out on his life because of it.

Any suggestions?

Jennifer Stoel

I started my home based business when my kids were ages 3 and 1.  I would work around their schedules, so when they napped, I worked on my business and carved out a few hours each day to devote to making it become a reality.  Those daily steps lead to my official launch, two years later!  I was writing a book and decided to start my own publishing company so I was able to to write during nap time for that first year.  The second year was filled with meeting with the illustration and design team that I hired and they allowed me to bring my kids along too.  I was lucky because I could envolve my kids into my business.  I was writing a book geared for kids ages 2-6, so who better to test designs than asking my own 2 and 4 year old to point to which drawing they liked best.  If they weren't engaged, we would redesign and edit the page until they were engaged.  I was lucky, all that time they thought I was reading to them, I was actually conducting market reasearch and editing my books!  Honestly, it you want it bad enough you will carve out the time to make it happen!

Good luck!
Smiles - Stacey

www.cedarvalleypublishing.com 

Stacey,

Thank you so much for the advice. Starting this next week I will be having a little more free time on my hands. One of my classes ended so I will have about 3 hours were I can sit down and do research. I would love to get my son envolved in my business someday. I am not sure where this new found urge for buisness will take me but I know that journey will be exciting. Good luck with your books.

Jennifer Stoel