Savor the Success

First things first. I promised someone important that I would do this. Check out Storked! on Glamour.com.


That will make sense soon.


But first, a story.


About 6 months ago, I attended a wine and greet for the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA). I had a lot in common with everyone in the room. We were all writers of one type or another, and we were all attending the ASJA conference.


You'd think, among networking functions, this one would have been cake.


So not.


Within 5 seconds of walking into the room, I had that "I'm taking the SATs, but I did not study, have not attended school in the past 20 years, can't tell the difference between algebra and geometry, and don't have a number 2 pencil" sensation. Yeah, it was pretty bad. I felt like the most unpopular kid in school, too. Everyone else had at least one other friend, except for me.


I was at the bar faster than you can say loser.


I downed my wine even faster.


I stood in the middle of the room. I stared at various groups of people, thinking, "Who looks the nicest?" Then, a nice woman walked up to me and said, "I'm terrible at these things. I never know what to say."


I said, "I'm terrible, too. Thank God we found each other!"


Then we stood and stared at each other, then at our drinks, and then at each other. We sighed and said things like, "Um well." Eventually, she said, "Well, I guess I should try to mingle." I said, "Yeah, I need more wine anyway."


We parted ways. I downed another wine. I managed to say, "Hi," to a man who quietly said "Hi" back, and then I left.


I vowed never ever in a million years to try to do anything remotely resembling networking ever again. As far as I was concerned, I was having an abusive relationship with networking. It was time to split up. I vowed off networking. I would have cut it out of all of the photos in all of my albums if I could have.


Yes, I was that serious about the situation. Really, I was.


Then I discovered social media. Now, this was something to behold. I could insert myself into any random discussion in any random location and talk as long as I liked--without interruption, without seeing anyone roll their eyes, and without hearing anyone sigh. I could also attend numerous networking events within just a few minutes, traveling hundreds of cyber miles from website to website as I read comments and responded.


And I didn't need any wine to make it happen. 


With social media, I found I could be just as social at 1 a.m. as I was at 6 a.m. as I was at 3 p.m. Whenever I felt like being social, I could find someone to be social with.


I could post blogs, friend people, link to people, follow people---and have them follow me---all without ever trying to seem witty. I didn't even have to get dressed first.


Most important, I ended up having so many virtual conversations and reaching out to so many virtual people that I completely lost track of who responded to my gestures of friendship, and who did not. I was never miffed by an unanswered DM or link request because I usually forgot I'd ever reached out in the first place.


And heck, if someone didn't want to be my friend, I would just find 100 other people who would---even if some of them lived in Australia.


It must be said that I, uh, kind of got addicted. My husband would say something to me, and I'd say, "Not now honey, I'm updating my status on Facebook."


My daughter would ask me to help her go potty, and I'd say, "In a minute. I'm stumbling someone's website."


Mom would call and I'd let the voice mail pick up. I was direct messaging with another blogger, and we were really clicking.


At first, my networking efforts were aligned: I wanted to convince every single person on the Internet that she really needed to read my blog if she knew what was good for her. (By the way, you really SHOULD read it: www.projecthappilyeverafter.com).


But that goal ended in frustration. Although nearly all of the people I connected with liked me, they didn't all like reading about marriage. Some of them didn't like to read anything.


So I stopped worrying about what people could do for me, and I stopped worrying about my stats (my number of follows, friends and so forth). I started doing something else: forming true friendships and performing random acts of virtual kindness.  I'd drop into various sites and leave a comment---even if those sites had nothing to do with mine and even though zero visitors at that site would want to come to mine. I'd stumble various blogs, but not bother to announce that I'd done it. I'd tweet about other people's stuff. I'd offer to listen when someone needed to rant. I'd thank anyone who taught me anything about technology, life, anything really.

I did what I would do for any close real life friend if I discovered her on the Internet, but I did it for people I'd never met. In some cases, I didn't even know their real names.


And my friendship base grew and grew. In real life, I'd say that I probably have 5 really close friends. Online? It's hard to count. Of course, there are hundreds who have friended me, linked to me, or are following me on Twitter, but true, tight, friends?


Maybe 50, give or take a score.


Here's the thing. By close, I mean that these people would raise money for me if they found out I had some rare, incurable disease. Yeah, that kind of tight.


I can't seem to come up with a nice little ending to this section, other than to write this: The End. I'm soon on to a slightly new topic. If you don't like that transition? Unfriend me.


A Success Story


There's a phrase that's mentioned often in social networking circles. It's "give, give get." In real life marketing, people mostly just focus on the third word: get. They push themselves and their products on you. They sell and market AT you. In the virtual world, getting doesn't work. It's so easy to shut up a sales person. You just hit: delete.


What does work in the virtual city that never sleeps? Selfless giving---doing favors for others, just because you can.


I'd like to tell you about a recent success that I've experienced with Give, Give Get.


It starts with First magazine. I answered a HARO query a while back. One thing led to another. It ends up that I'm going to be profiled in the March issue. This is not the success. (Although it's pretty dang cool!)


No, the success lies in the virtual relationship I developed with the reporter who was writing the story about me. She's a freelancer who writes for First regularly. She doesn't necessarily get assignments handed to her. She has to work hard for them by finding people to profile and developing story ideas.

Well, another mom who I know in a virtual way wrote a blog about how she lost 65 pounds with Wii Fit. I found out about her blog when she sent me a DM, asking me to give it some Stumble love. I did.


But you don't have to be a journalist to know that her story is the type of story that women's magazines droll over. So I emailed her blog link to the First reporter, saying, "I'm not sure if you do weight loss, but this mom just lost 65 pounds with Wii Fit. Here's her blog."


I got an email back thanking me and asking me if I could introduce her to the mom. I did. Well, you know what? The mom and every single woman she knows subscribes to First.


Both the reporter and the mom were super thankful.


Now the mom stumbles and comments on nearly everything I write. We've gotten to know one another pretty well, given we are regularly reading and commenting on each other's blogs. I found out, for instance, that we both had post partum depression. I truly hope to meet her some day---in real life. I'd proud to count her as a friend.


Here's more. A few weeks later, the reporter---again, someone I only know virtually---emailed me, telling me that WEtv.com was looking for bloggers. She gave me the name and email of the person in charge. I applied.
Still don't know where that one will go but, the same day, she also emailed about a friend of hers who writes for Glamour.com. She copied her friend and gave her my web link. She told both of us that we had a lot on common and left it at that.


Well, one thing led to another. I offer to review the Gamour blogger's book on Capessa.com. She suggests I write a guest blog for Glamour.com


Which brings me back to the beginning. Is it making sense yet? Ladies: here is that blog: Does your husband annoy you?. I'm on Storked! At Glamour.com. How cool is that?
 
Alisa Bowman writes about the ups and downs of marriage at www.projecthappilyeverafter.com. She thinks you'd enjoy reading: My husband is a dreamboat, and yours can be, too!

Follow Alisa on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Alisabow and the Gods will smile upon you. Subscribe to her blog or e-newsletter at her website and you will have good luck for 5 years. If you like her stuff, stumble it and tell two friends about it. You will be rewarded with a long, happy life.